Have You Ever...

Have you ever had one of those days where you felt out of sorts but you can't figure out why? Well, I have felt this way off and on for the past month or so and I have some theories as to what is causing this uncertainty.

1. I have been trying to "get in shape" for my friend's wedding for the past few months and I feel as though I have made no progress. I am not disciplined in this area whatsoever so it doesn't really surprise me that much but it is very disheartening. I think it is because I know how much work I have to do to achieve my goal and it in some ways depresses me and I lose any desire to try.  I will say one thing, I am more aware of my eating habits and I do eat healthier than I have in the past but I am sure I could do better. I have also had other people come up to me and tell me that I have inspired them to do the same in their life but I feel like they are having an easier time with it. I just feel like a failure when it comes to this area of my life. :-/

2. God has blessed me immensely with my wonderful friends and family but sometimes, not all of the time, I feel as though I am standing still and they are moving on with their lives. Marriage, children, new jobs, etc. I know that where I am now is where God wants me to be but is this where He has me staying? I don't know. I sometimes wish I knew what was coming around the corner because I feel like I am in limbo waiting for the next step. I hate that! Then I wake up and think why would I want to know what's next? That would be a boring existence! I am overall content with where God has me at this point in my life but there are times when you feel this isn't it and you start to get antsy. Why do I do that?

3. I tell my girlfriends all the time that they cannot take on everyone's problems because then you are no good to them when they need you, but even I am victim to this. I can separate myself from my friends' problems so I can provide them with an unbiased response but sometimes I can feel myself slipping emotionally into their problems and then I am right there with them. What can say? I'm a woman and sometimes it is hard to emotionally separate myself from what is ailing my loved ones.

4. Recently I was asked to become part of the leadership team of my Bible study and I was hesitant to join and I am still not 100% sure if this is what God wants for me. I remember about a year or two ago, when I was the leader for this position, I knew that this is where God wanted me to be. I knew that this was how I would contribute to the group. I felt good about it and I loved doing it, but things changed and so I was no longer in that position of leadership. I still love doing it but I have my qualms about it. I feel like I have been given this responsibility but at the same time I feel like it isn't 100% mine yet. Not that I think it is solely up to me to do it all but it just doesn't feel right. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that I feel no one takes me seriously. When I tell my friends this they always scoff at me and tell me that I need to think better of myself but I highly doubt I have imagined this. I have had people laugh in my face when I try to take charge, speak up, etc. How am I supposed to be a leader when no one takes the time to listen to me? I recently had a "talk" with some friends and apparently I surprised them by how forthright I was with my opinions and feelings. I am very open about my feelings and opinions if you give me the opportunity to show you but most people don't. they cut me off at the pass. what kind of a message do you think that sends to someone? I think God has gifted me in certain ways and I can try my hardest to carry out my gifts but I feel like sometimes there are roadblocks.

Now that I have that off my chest I feel better. I don't know if there is just one thing that is making me feel so inadequate but maybe more of a combination of a bunch of things, some of which are listed above. This would explain why I feel out of sorts. When your mind is going in about 6 different directions, how in the world can you control your emotions? You can't! That's why the only thing I can rely on is God. He is the only constant thing in my life. I can always rely on Him to show me the way and I pray that instead of relying on others in my life, though I love them dearly, that I rely solely on Him. We are human, make mistakes and we have to remember that.